ron blog 11/5/12Jack the Dog urges you to vote for the candidate who promises a Milk Bone in every pot and multiple tennis balls in every garage
So here we are . . . less than 24 hours before the voting booths open.
The pollsters, pundits and media have been all over the map this year, with virtually all integrating their usual bias, spin and manipulation to try and massage the results. That goes for both the lefties and righties.
Really, it seems like this race has been going on for about 3.5 years, and we’re pretty much all sick of it. I don’t think the media can become any less credible than it was, and I don’t think any of us have any more faith in the veracity or character of politicians than we ever did.
Mostly . . . we’re just tired and want these people to shut the hell up.
Be that as it may, my former career as a political writer compels me to jot down a few thoughts and predictions. I’m not really sure why I am suddenly hit with this compulsion, but it may have something to do with the fact that I’m in middle of painting a metallic-red, Chuck Berry-style electric guitar and the fumes have affected my neuro-synaptic pathways.
Therefore . . . here we go.
PRESIDENTIAL RACE: Obama Vs. Romney
I’ve tried to go scientific on this one, looking at economic numbers, demographics and the hidden messages found in goose entrails and ancient Mayan comic books. I’ve endeavored to put aside my personal distaste for the incumbent, which isn’t easy since I find him incredibly creepy and feel he’s nothing but a big ol’ liar.
My prediction is a Romney win . . . with the final electoral tally being 295 to 243.
MISSOURI SENATE RACE: McCaskill Vs. Akin
I can’t get this guy’s name right. Sometimes I call him Claude Akins, who was better known as the actor who played Sherriff Lobo in the classic TV series BJ and the Bear. A couple of times I’ve slipped and called him Clay Aiken.
But, in reality, Todd Akin is the guy that thinks babies are either delivered by the stork or found under cabbage leaves. Really Todd? Legitimate rape?
Now . . . the fact that Akin is not getting pummeled tells you just how strongly Missouri voters dislike incumbent Claire McCaskill. She’s tried to portray herself as an independent in ads, but nobody is buying it. Hell, she was one of Obama’s biggest supporters from Day 1.
It’s a toss-up. People may vote for Akin, even though they realize he’s an idiot, simply because they understand that Republicans need a Senate majority to try and dismantle Obamacare (which McCaskill loves). I’ll probably do that myself, knowing full well that the dude is dumb as a squirrel. It’s a “big picture” scenario.
But . . . I predict a McCaskill win.
US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
The Republicans will keep it and maybe even pick up a few seats. People will still hate them.
The Democrats will keep it, probably by only one or two seats. More of the same . . . and people will still hate them.
MISSOURI GOVERNOR – Nixon Vs. Spence
Nixon hasn’t really done anything bad, primarily because the Missouri legislature is almost all Republican and didn’t allow him to go full-liberal. Neither did he do anything good . . . for the same reasons.
Gridlock is often good . . . though the media will tell you otherwise.
I’d be tempted to vote for Nixon, just because I tend to like politicians named Nixon (I liked Richard Nixon . . . he was both amusing and paranoid and those are character traits to which I can relate.)
Still, common sense will prevail and I’ll vote for the challenger Dave Spence (who will lose . . . and probably get thrashed).
MISSOURI LT. GOVERNOR/SECRETARY OF STATE/TREASURER/ATTORNEY GENERAL/ETC
Heck . . . I really can’t muster up the gumption to care about these. I’ll probably vote for the candidate that ran the least commercials and made the fewest robo-calls to my phone. Lets put it this way; if I’ve heard of them I’ll probably vote against them.
I hate robo-calls.
MISSOURI CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT 3
This dumb thing would change the way judges are appointed and give the governor the authority to appoint the majority of the commission that selects court nominees. It would also allow the governor to appoint lawyers to the commissions (at the moment it is required that these folks be non-lawyers)
I don’t like lawyers. I’m voting NO on this. I’m thinking most everyone else feels the same way (except lawyers).
MISSOURI PROPOSITION B
This proposition taxes tobacco . . . which is really not nice since federal tobacco taxes have gone up (and I’m not making this up) nearly 800% since Obama took office. Missouri wants to tax tobacco even more, saying the money will go to education.
I kinda’ doubt that’s where the money would go, but that’s not why I’m against this. I smoke a pipe, and I’m usually fairly broke, and since I’m not going to quit smoking my pipe I don’t want to have to pay more for the privilege of screwing up my lungs.
I think tobacco users have been taxed quite enough, thank you very much. What’s next? Is the state going to act like New York City’s moron Mayor Bloomberg and outlaw big sodas and transfats? Hell . . . Missourians couldn’t survive without big sodas and transfats. We would die.
Just do me a favor and vote NO on this. My dogs get a higher quality of food if I’m not having to shell out more dough on pipe tobacco.
Most people will probably vote yes. Bummer for me.
MISSOURI PROPOSITION E
This would prohibit the governor or state agencies from setting up or operating state-based health insurance exchanges on their own. Such stuff (aka: Obamacare-friendly nonsense) would not be allowed without the ok of the legislature or a public vote.
I’m into public votes. Voting YES on this one.
And that’s all I’ve got say about that. Happy election day. Come the day after tomorrow half of the country is going to be in total depression and half will be happy as a lark.
Either way I think I’ll spend the day inhaling some more metallic-red paint fumes. I’m not sure that much is going to change one way or the other no matter who wins.
But I do know that I like my guitars. Moreover, I have Christmas sales going on at my website. Being this is election-time, when people will say anything, it is only fitting and proper that I urge you to swing on over to Marr's Guitars (my snazzy website) and snag one.